Much belated critique of the indie film "In a World"

Thanks to the miracle of discount DVD's, I was finally able to watch Bell Lake's film  In A World, supposedly about the Hollywood voice over industry. I say supposedly because very little of it was actually about the industry and more seemed to descend into rom com vapidity--a bad habit I expect feminist actors/directors not to fall into yet they so often do.
Throughout most of the movie I kept shouting at my TV; who cares about her sister's intimate relationships?!
Unlike many of my fellow online amateur film critics (who seemed to be bored by the premise) I was actually interested in the world of voice over acting and wanted the movie to be about that. Sadly, Ms. Bell disappointed me.
The film shows a couple snippets of her protagonist, Carol--played by Bell-- a voice coach and voice-over actor, trying to encourage women to speak with their real voices--a wonderfully refreshing concept! Yet as the designer and director of this world, Bell goes counter to her core beliefs and seems to lose her own voice in the process of telling women to find theirs.

Misogyny Night Live

I am so pleased that comedian Pete Davidson of SNL was able to get his voice heard, the other night on Weekend Update, about how women should feel regarding trans-women (men who have become women thru surgery or who identify as women) using women’s restrooms.

It is so important for a young man to be able to speak out, un-disputed, on a subject about which he has no lived experience; growing up female in a misogynistic world.

I am fascinated by men, particularly in the entertainment industry, who seem to have more empathy for the rights of trans women, or men who identify as women, than they do for those of us who were born female. I am happy when guys are able to show empathy to anyone, though I suspect that what appears to be empathy is really a veiled excuse---as if another was needed ---to dismiss women's genuine concerns as trivial, self-centered and needless and jump on the "trans women are more oppressed than you" bandwagon.

 

Where was the women's point of view? Isn't it possible that women might have good reason to be wary of sharing our restrooms with human beings who are usually larger and possess a celebrated amount of upper body strength?

Do you ever watch Talk shows and yell at the vapid people on morning TV and say, "No!You are missing the point!" I do it constantly, yet I still watch, like the proverbial train wreck, I am there daily, witnessing the obliteration of subject matter that I hold dear; topics that could benefit from the mass outreach of the mainstream media. If only those entrusted to impart "the facts" were able to do so in an intelligent and informed way.

It seems that the minute a celebrity guest dares to go a little deeper into a topic, the Today Show hosts will quickly change the subject. Such as what happened the other day when Lucy Lawless guested and the subject of her stint as Xena, Warrior Princess came up. Lawless spoke thoughtfully about how the show was not misogynist in it's portrayal of the female characters. Immediately, the hosts turned on a dime and Tamron brought up the pressing subject of hair styles. Crisis averted.

The same thing happens whenever racial injustice comes up in the conversation; such as when Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. is in the news once a year on his birthday. No real, in depth discussions about racism happen in these venues and just as it is with misogyny/sexism, we never get to the heart of the matter. Instead, the audience is left with feelings of hopelessness mixed with the obligatory calls for racial healing which is often code for changing the subject.

I have witnessed many of these transgressions throughout the years, in various forms of pop cultural infotainment, so I cannot put all the blame on the AM set. Still, they do have quite a forum in which to either educate or perpetrate misinformation. I believe that our intrepid hosts are instructed, by those in authority, that their job is not to educate but to entertain. Anything more than that is seen as too boring for the public or too dangerous and controversial for the network.

Most importantly, these talk show hosts are considered journalists. Some of them, award winning journalists which gives them a certain amount of gravitas in the eyes of many of their viewers. It means that what they say matters and has meaning and truth attached.

If only there were such a thing as mere entertainment but we don't live in that kind of a world. Humans, whether we like to admit it or not, absorb information, true or false, on a regular basis and at an extremely high rate. We are no longer able to simply turn off our TV's and close our lap tops when we are inundated with ads and posts vying for our attention. They catch up with us on our phones, our tablets; they are in our faces on the subway, on the radio, at the mall.

Let us, please, face facts and admit that we cannot possibly choose or control every thought that comes into our heads. We are creatures of habit and human psychology is something with which ad agencies are well acquainted. Billions of dollars are spent yearly producing seemingly innocuous commercials that on the surface seem annoying at worst; silly, yet entertaining at best. Who would expend company dollars and time on creations that can be blocked out by the sheer will power of prospective customers?
Admitting we have a problem is the first step to recovery.

Sisterhood, She Wrote

"Often when we see derogatory images of women, we disassociate ourselves from them—we’re not like that. We’re the bright exceptions that prove the rules, right? We’ve grown familiar with that refrain, but it’s simply untrue. We have to learn to realign ourselves with ourselves—with women in general.”
Regina Barreca, They Used to Call Me Snow White...But I drifted; Women's Strategic Use of Humor

I have never voted for a republican and I am in no danger of doing so in 2016.
Nor do I relish giving any right wing politician credit for saying something uncharacteristically intelligent, but republican presidential candidate Carli Fiorina got one thing right with her comeback to Donald Trump’s opinion of her appearance, “…women all over this country heard very clearly what Mr. Trump said.” Instead of taking the slight personally, she chose to align herself with women as a group. Even if her reasons for the retort were purely political, it was one of the most astute, and dare I say, feminist sentences I have heard any political candidate on the right or the left utter in a long time. If only her other actions and policies reflected such an insightful connecting of the dots.

Ever since my mother's death in 2013, I have taken to watching what used to be one of her favorite shows "Murder She Wrote". The very first episode of MSW our intrepid mystery writer/crime solver Jessica Fletcher,  actually has women friends. This quickly changes throughout the rest of the series as we see Jessica surrounded by male regulars.
One of the few episodes, other than a women's prison, that features a crowd of women around Jess, was set in a beauty salon. Not only did the salon look like it was dipped in Pepto Bismol but so did the stylists. There was also the obligatory audio of several women rapidly talking over each other while a man, in this case Tom Bosley as  sheriff Tupper, rolls his eyes.
At another point during the episode the sheriff lets out a frustrated harrumph, "Women!" which elicits a disapproving glare from Jessica. The chief corrects himself slightly and says, "present company excepted" to which our less than feminist star nods approvingly. I was thinking how great it would have been if Jessica kept that disapproving look even while the sheriff clumsily tried to take some of it back. She could have said, "sheriff, when you insult all women you insult me too!" It makes me sad that even an actor of Angela Lansbury's stature would not, or could not, insist that female stereotypes and misogynist epithets had no place on her show.


 

Thanks to Hoda and Kathy Lee for wearing pants and long sleeves on this "Casual Friday". It was refreshing to see at least two female hosts eschewing their cap sleeved tight knee length dresses for one whole hour. Now if they could just give up the 6 inch heels. 

I care about such a seemingly trivial issue not just because I despise showing my own upper arms but because I get the distinct impression that women are being...um...shall we say.. keenly encouraged to show some part of their body. 
Navigating racks of women's clothing is kind of like playing fashion whack-a-mole; if I want longer sleeves I have to settle for a plunging neck line. If I choose short sleeves they won't come down past my bicep. If I find a round neckline, there will invariably be a sexy hole in the middle exposing my cleavage. 

While clothes shopping, I often compare myself to a female celebrity sitting cross legged on Conan O'Brian's couch in a short skirt; self consciously tugging at the scant material barely covering my legs while another part of me comes dangerously close to exposure. 

Critiques of female fashion, like pretty much everything involving women, are often tinged with blame; well if they would just stop "choosing" clothes with flimsy fabric and dress more simply like men, act like men, ask for raises like men and get paid as much as men, all would be fine. Other than being.. a tad too masculine.

Less political arguments say that designers prefer sleeveless bridal gowns* because they are easier to alter. Interesting point but please explain men's fitted dress shirts? Once again we are lead to believe that women's needs are far more complex than our seemingly easy going brothers.

*I once saw an episode of Beverly Hills Bridal, where a woman in her 60's tried on a gown with cap sleeves. She glowed while friends, family and shop owner cooed over how "amazing" she looked even though her upper arm skin was puckered and flabby. The dress was clearly not flattering as far as her arms were concerned. I thought they were all blind and I was the brat kid yelling "the Emperor has no clothes"! Then I felt like the worst feminist ever, for judging this poor woman's arms.

My personal clothing needs are quite direct; give me a longed sleeved T-shirt with a round neck, fitted slightly at the bust but A-lined at the bottom. The material should be mostly cotton with nylon for stretch. I have 7 of these (by Style & Co.) in my closet that are about three years old. I have not been able to find any more like them since and I cling to these 7 with my life. 

Maybe it's where I shop--I steer clear of high end stores. Maybe it's where I live, a Toronto suburb where I am convinced gets rejects from the US. Maybe I'm not feminine or masculine enough, though sometimes I am a little of both. I do know what I want and I know what looks good on me. I too like being fashionable but I can tell when the-fashion-powers-that-be or the morning show moguls are manipulating me (through female hosts) into wearing what they consider proper feminine attire. 

Please join me. Fight the powers. Take your caps off and take a stand for casual Friday all week long.
Just be sure to wear your low healed shoes.

If the stereotype of women not being able to work together is true, then how is it that 27 or so women from different races and economic backgrounds were supposedly able to form a cohesive unit, conspire against Bill Cosby and accuse him of drugging and raping them?
I also wonder how many rich powerful white guys in show biz have committed similar crimes against women but have gotten away with it because they are...well...rich and powerful white guys?

I often fantasize that all of the female actors and comics will get together, pool their resources and become a force to be reckoned with so they can produce TV shows that not only have a woman as it's star, but that she can be surrounded by other females now and then, instead of just a constant slew of guys who have been put there to somehow legitimize her existence as a comedian on television. I dream that women in show biz will tell the guys, who think that their female colleagues can't be funny without barf scenes and fart jokes, to piss off and let women be funny on their own terms (which may on occasion include but will not be limited to anal humor)and get their giant frat humor clown feet off these women's necks.

Writer's Block

Come on wordsmiths, change your ways. You aren't even trying anymore. Just because most of pop culture seems to be jumping off the degrading-women-with-impunity Empire State building, that doesn't mean YOU have to. When the story calls for one man to offend the other, leave women out of it and let the good guy trash the murderer/rapist/burglar or bad friend personally, not the jerk’s poor mother.

If writers are so creative, why do they scribble the same insults into popular TV show scripts. God forbid any male or female actor should utter a gendered insult at a male character such as "dick" or "prick".

If only I could get a dollar for every time somebody says, " you killed my brother/friend/partner you lousy son of a b****!" I'd be continuously tipsy if I were involved in a drinking game while enjoying another episode of Burn Notice in which every variation of the B-word came into play.

By the way, what is a little bitch exactly? A little mean girl? A diminutive angry woman? A grumpy female toddler? A more cynical person might think that something sinister is afoot here.  2000 plus milenia of misogyny or just ignorant sexist habits? Disgruntled men with mommy or ex-girlfriend issues? Whatever it is, give it a rest. These verbal shots are insulting to women, not the guys they are aiming toward. They are old and tired and in need of a break.

So are scenarios where the good woman battles the evil one, vanquishes her and then dramatically calls her a B****! You say classic I say predictable; superfluous; derivative.

While we're at it, whatever happened to damn or hell as an interjection? It's been replaced by SOB!

Why are such phrases as, he was crying like a little girl or he ran like a woman used continuously in crime dramas, sit coms and action adventure?

Even the writers for Supernatural (hyper macho notorious abuser of SOB as a noun, adjective and interjection) finally added some different derogatory terms such as dick head and prick to it's lexicon.

I propose a challenge to those who write for television, stage and screen; write one whole episode, play, film without any words that degrade women or girls, then challenge others to do the same.
Who knows, you might even get more support during the next writer’s strike.

Identity Gift

Identity Bereft

In a world filled with constant warnings about the dangers of "identity theft", there is one very large group of people who are routinely bullied into giving theirs away. If you guessed married women, then you are correct!

While most women in the western world no longer suffer overt legal sublimation to men, there are many stubborn remnants of our proscribed past that refuse to go away such as taking our husband’s family name at marriage. Even the most talented and famous among us are not immune to such an Identity Gift:

 “I had no idea what to get [Freddie Prinze Jr.] for our five year wedding anniversary…”

Actor Sarah Michelle Gellar on why she “finally” decided to take her husband’s last name.

 

Hey, I’ve heard he’s hard to shop for…

Reasons for said gift:
-Tradition dictates that there is only room for one name and that name is his.
-The children should have the same last name as parents.
-The woman hates her family’s long unpronounceable last name or likes the man’s name better.
-Your mom is afraid your husband will think you don’t really love him unless you give it up—yes, mine actually said that to me.
-Cultural messages say that women are selfish, heartless b-words not to take the man’s name; thus my mom’s concerned warning.

What's in a name? If you are asking a man; everything! After all, his very existence in a family full of girls may be the result of his parents’ dedication to baby making in order to produce a male heir who will “carry on the family name”.  A woman will feel obliged to relinquish her identity not because she is flighty and has no sense of family history and tradition, rather the weight of centuries of law, custom, family expectations and the repercussions of labels like “feminist”, can be enough to produce anxiety attacks even in the most stalwart individualist.

Justification for keeping our names:

-It’s part of my identity, I grew up with this name!
-I like my last name.
-Professional reasons (except if you are famous).
-I thrive on the complexities of life and the annoyance of constantly explaining that my hubby and I have different last names. Okay, “thrive” might be an overstatement.

-The paper work is hell. I once worked in a busy hospital medical records department. It was difficult enough keeping track of patients with only one name, never mind the confusion when they changed names.

Explain it with Humor:
While my husband rolls his eyes, I have often used this little gem:
“He insists on keeping his name.”


Skip the Laughs and take no prisoners:
My sister-in-law has written, “no such person” on letters addressed to “Mrs. Husband’s Name”, and sent them back to those stubborn relatives and friends who refuse to get with the program. Hey, if you coddle them how will they learn, right?

If you remember the Clinton administration, poor Hilary Rodham finally caved to pressure, dropped the Rodham and became the less threatening Hilary Clinton. Can you imagine Henry Kissinger having to do that?!


My hubby will usually introduce me to people with my first and last name, which is handy since I am often too lazy to do it myself unless I am introducing myself first. I have found that most people take it in stride out of, politeness, boredom, or perhaps fears of their own.

Maiden Reform
Women are identified not just by our husband/father’s names but also by our sex lives. Take the term “maiden name” for example. What is a maiden? Why it is a woman, usually young, who has yet to be….ahem…plucked or deflowered or pick the euphemism for sexual intercourse. We don’t assign these terms to men. A man is a man no matter where he falls on the virginity scale.

Miss    Single woman
Mrs.    A married woman
Ms.     A woman, married or single
Mr.     A married man
          A single man
              A man, married or single

Ms. Understanding
I have found that people miss, or Ms., the point of what Ms. is all about. I once heard a fairly intelligent woman on a popular radio show say that she wished she were still young and single so that she could be “a Ms.” even though the whole point of the lack of an R or extra S is that you can be married, single or undeclared and it doesn’t matter.
 
I admit to having difficulty correcting people when they call me Mrs., because of the voices in my head saying, “Who are you kidding? You are old and married and people will think you are trying to relive your young single days and that you don’t really love your husband and he never wants a second cup of your coffee and secretly lusts after the Doublemint Twins...!” This is my brain on internalized sexism, not to mention too much classic TV.

Wedding reality shows reveal that the days of a bride being “Mrs. Manly Manhood” are back in style, while at the same time her wedding vows pronounce her and the groom “husband and wife” instead of “man and wife. All of this takes place after the bride’s father has “given her away”.

With all of these contradictions, it is no wonder that heterosexual relationships are so often in a state of insanity, but hey it makes for an entertaining night around the tube.

Who Gives This Woman….?
Who gives a…ah hum…excuse me. Okay, look; if you really want to take your husband’s name or let your father hand you off to another man in some antiquated ritual meant for exchanging goods and services, be my guest. Just know what you are doing and what it all means. A good deal of feminism is about choice, informed choice. Just remember that a choice without healthy options isn’t really about freedom and individuality.

Think about that the next time you see the popular girl group of the moment gyrate around stripper poles in the name of sexual empowerment.

Where Two or More Women are Gathered....

I came upon a website called The Bechdel Test in which we are asked to rate movies using three basic criteria:

1.     Does the film have two or more women in it?
2.     Do the women talk to each other?
3.     Do they talk to each other about something other than men?

 If  the film in question displays all three of these characteristics, it passes the test.
I like that this test totally validates my previous post about female TV characters who don’t talk to each other---everyone needs a good validating now and then. 

The proverbial old boy’s club in Hollywood still exists and still believes, unlike many actual male film goers, that if two or more female film characters talk to each other about anything but guys, men in the audience will either fall asleep, or invade a small country out of sheer boredom.  Thus, scriptwriters are “encouraged” to write about male leads and the women who talk about them. …to each other.

I also think that Hollywood fears women getting along with each other in art because that runs the risk of women, like actresses perhaps, banding together in real life to fight the domination of the industry that white males enjoy. 

I might add that when women are depicted having conversations about other subjects than men, they will probably be talking about children.

A Fine Bro-mance

Television fiction’s love of male friendships is admirable to a point. Who wouldn’t like to see men and boys getting along? Heck, it’s better than when they’re always trying to kill each other. Still, It seems that while male characters are paling it up, females are barely given opportunities to say two words to each other. While the men engage in rapid fire exchanges of retro pop cultural banter (“Psych”), women are locked in glaring contests with other females they’ve only just met while regarding them with suspicion (Every other show on TV). Men can encourage and inspire each other while women can only sharpen their proverbial “claws” and compete with their counterparts for male attention—sans nerdiness because women, especially hot ones, aren’t thought to possess any knowledge of pop culture unless they’re on “Lost Girl”.

Except for rare occasions when teenage girls or women have their BFF’s, or the loyalty of a sister, no female on TV can spend too much time relating to another of her kind. If she is allowed such a relationship, time is spent fighting, obsessing about guys or when/if she should get pregnant. Oh but hey wait, she can also fight with her mom. Women and girls on TV are mostly never afforded healthy mother-daughter relationships. A girl can always run to her slightly dorky but understanding father, or stylish Gay male friend. If she’s lucky, she’ll have a hetero guy co-worker with a secret crush on her who keeps the sexual tension going throughout the series (“Castle”).

On TV, males can disagree, argue in court, even beat the crap out of each other only to follow it all up with a hardy back slap and a cold one at the local pub. One episode of “Medium” practically telegraphed this idea when Allison’s husband caught a younger co-worker lying at his expense. No sooner had I thought how refreshing it was to see two men fighting without fisticuffs, when the writers pulled a fast one and wrote a man-cave friendly scenario with Allison’s happy hubby triumphantly recounting to his clairvoyant wife how the two boys worked it out and, you guessed it, laughed all the way to the bar.
(Why didn’t she see this coming?)
Gosh, it sure is great how guys don’t hold grudges---uh…what?!! War? Genocide? Sports? According to the entertainment industry, male on male violence isn’t personal it’s just business but hell hath no fury like a woman….being anything other than cheerful!

More and more, the television audience is expected to view women as only incidental in the lives of male characters, while men are essential to women’s existence. In real life we know this is not the case. Men are far more likely to re-enter relationships much sooner than women following a breakup or death of spouse. This probably explains at least part of the need for the bro-centered tele-fantasies. I am not against men getting along; the world would be a better place if they did, but entertaining portrayals of men’s mutual admiration should not come at the expense of women’s.

Myths About Women

“Women cry to manipulate men”

Women cry for a variety of reasons. One is that women are sometimes frustrated about not being heard or understood by men. This frustration can lead to anger which leads to a more “acceptable” emotion—crying. Naturally we can’t win. If we get angry we’re labeled with that ever popular “B-word”. If we cry, we are made to feel whiny or we are accused of exercising our “feminine wiles” to get our way. If we try to explain in the most direct way possible, we are…well at this point our voices become grating on the nerves of some guys… and oh yes, we’re back to that B-word again.

Our culture, which is mostly defined by guys in power, sees crying as a weakness and something that men can’t or should never do because it is considered too “womanish” so naturally it is labeled with a negative connotation. It’s understandable that men are uncomfortable with crying since they have taught each other that it’s bad because women do it.

 
“Women lead men on”

You’ve probably experienced something similar or seen countless films and TV shows depicting unrequited love usually seen from the man or boys’ point of view. Women often know what we want in a guy but for various and complicated reasons, choose or are swayed to give in to Mr. Wrong because we’re flattered or because others around us say, “but he’s such a ‘Nice guy’ you should give him a chance”.  So you give in to pressure and date the guy. One thing leads to another and you end up together for a year or so. Though he grows on you, he begins feeling like your heart isn’t in it and he gets resentful and passive aggressive. You feel like saying I told you so but really you feel like the jerk for letting it go this far. You end up being the jerk when you have to break it off. You knew better but no one else, especially the guy in question, could see it. If the guy had just listened to you in the first place, none of this would have happened. Not that any of this is autobiographical….

Popular culture insists that pursuit is exciting no matter how one sided the “love” is.
Men are duped into believing that pursuit is manly. Kind of like deer hunting. Women are made to think that we should be willing “prey” and that we are “teases” or evil,  if we do not return the “poor” fellow’s affections.
We’ve all been taught by tradition and countless formulaic love stories that men ask and women reject. When was the last time you saw a female character get rejected? An ugly duckling who wears her heart on her sleave for a handsome guy only to get laughed out of the room. No, usually it’s the man or boy with whom the viewer is expected to identify.
If you don’t believe me, watch any episode of “The Big Bang Theory” and you will see many examples.
Why don’t these “nerdy” guys go after nerdy girls instead of chasing the hot babe who also wants a hot babe?! They are only setting themselves up for failure which then stokes the fires of anger and resentment toward all women causing said men to become TV writers.

Trust me, mutual interest and love are the building blocks of a healthy relationship. I have 12 years of wedded bliss under my belt to prove it.

Female Dog

One day, back in the late 70's when I was in Junior High, I was running laps during gym class. As one of the last few to finish the assigned exertion, I heard a couple boys running on the other side of the field shout, “Run You F***g Whore!”  I did what a lot of girls and women do when boys and men verbally punish us for being female and that is to internalize the guilt instead of putting it where it belongs; back on the guys. I look back on that incident and wish I had the courage to yell back at them or at least the strength not to have internalized the shame and blame.

My reaction to that incident would help me with a similar one I experienced 

6 years ago, not long after my husband and I moved to Ontario, Canada.
I was walking along the side- walk near my home, minding my own business, when a small car full of young men drove slowly past me. With his head hanging out of the window, one of them shouted at me, “Hey You Stupid Bitch!”  I turned around to the young bully and shouted, “Hey! Shut Up!”

What happened next surprised me almost as much as it would surprise the maligning male and his amused buddies. I don’t know whether it was my age, mood, my years of feminist sensibilities coupled with the fact that it was my Birthday, but I decided to turn and walk briskly in the direction of their still sluggish vehicle.  I like to think that my decision to do so, was sanctioned by God because there were no other cars on that side of the road and the way seemed to be paved clear for me to take the next step.
Since I was already being compared to a dog, what would be more appropriate than to chase a Mazda full of misogynists down the “friendly” Canadian intersection?! 

So… off I went. My fast walking turned to a slow jog. I could see the boys’ satisfied smirks turn to disbelieving dismay as I began to move off the sidewalk and run into the street alongside the car. Finally, the driver, convinced I had no intention of backing down, grew a lead foot and took off down the road and disappeared into traffic. They may not have been frightened of me, but they were definitely thrown by the idea that a female might not just shut up and take it. Instead of internalizing their words and blaming myself for having the audacity to walk home alone, or just to walk while female, I made them confront the fact that I was a human being; deserving of respect. Did they respect me? Probably not, but I like to imagine that just one of them might think twice before shouting horrible insults at another girl or woman again.  In my other fantasy, the mouthy boy grows up to become an anti-sexist lecturer : )

I don’t advocate that everyone respond the way I did.
My circumstances made me feel comfortable enough.  It was daytime, I knew my surroundings and I kept calm. I didn’t even swear at the guys; tempting as it was.
Looking back, I probably would rethink chasing a moving vehicle on foot; for many reasons. Now, when I remember that incident, I can hold my head a little higher and walk a little taller because I struck a small blow for women’s dignity.

A Feminist By Any Other Name..

If the F-Word still gives you nightmares, don't let that stop you from standing up against injustice! You can always use alternatives like "anti-sexist". There is also the excellent term Womanist which was coined by Aftrican American feminists in a faith context-- but I am not sure if it is acceptable for white people to use the term or if it is considered co-opting another culture. 
Just please think before you say, "Oh, but I'm not one of those feminists" or I'm not a feminist but...let me list all the ways I agree with them"!!

I know many people say that they "hate labels" even though we wear labels, drive labels, eat and diet with labels; we identify ourselves with family names and religious faiths. We pride ourselves on being individuals but we are still human beings with similar needs, fears and flaws. There are times when it's important to stick out and identify with a group. We will never agree with absolutely everything that it says on the label but we still make more of an impact together.  

You don't lose your mind just because you may call yourself a feminist or even a Lutheran. It's how you wear your label that counts.

I'm A Feminist, Ask Me How!

Feminist:  A person who advocates for the social, sexual, political and economic equality of women with men. 

"Oooo! Scarey stuff, ay kids?!" It shouldn't be but alas... The "F" word has been twisted by frightened, ignorant, mean spirited and power-hungry people (via the news, entertainment and info-tainment media for the last 30 years) into something unrecognizable by those of us who grew up with the women's rights movement in the 60's and 70's. Foolish as they are, these influences have been very effective at discrediting feminists in the minds of the public. 

While there are many and varied legitimate, thoughtful criticisms of the women's movement and feminism--much of which happens between feminists--I am focusing on the more outlandish and unfair rants that are meant to discredit.

 Here are just a few examples of common myths and misconceptions about feminists brought to you by television, films, the Internet, radio, the printed word and word of mouth:

 "Feminists hate men"---We do not! Many feminists are men so there's problem number one with that statement. Feminists hate injustice. Feminists hate abuse. Besides, hating men would defeat the purpose of fighting sexism. If there's no hope for bad men and male regimes to change, then we might as well give up right now. 

"Feminists are sex hating prudes"---Again wrong. This is one you've probably heard a lot from Hugh Hefner and the entire porn industry. No one expects heterosexual males to shun attractive women. The problems begin when a man looks at a woman and sees only sex instead of a whole human being. Unlike women, men are not defined by their sexuality alone.

"Feminists encourage promiscuity in women"---Whaaa?? This myth is a favorite among extreme religious groups like the Taliban and ultra right wing so-called Christians. They think this because feminists believe in a woman's right to choose when and if she will have sex and when and if she will become pregnant. I think Hefner and the Taliban should get their stories straight.

"Feminists are ugly hairy women who can't get men"---Oy! Feminists come in all shapes and sizes and both sexes. This is a common tactic of anti-feminists who want to throw you off your game. Don't play! Stay on topic. Having said that, many feminist women are in happy relationships with men. They're even married...with children!

"All feminists are lesbians"---Again, difficult if you're a male. Some feminists are lesbians but not all lesbians are feminists. Not all women are feminists either so it stands to reason. Using "lesbian" as an epithet is another tactic to derail feminist women (straight or lesbian) from the subject.
 Which brings me to....

"All anti-sexist men are gay"---So, men who like women are gay and men who don't like women are straight? Are you as confused as I am? It's meant to be confusing. Nothing scares a straight man off the feminist bandwagon quite like this tired and untrue "accusation". It's just like calling a boy a "sissy" or a man "p***y whipped". That is so school yard! Oh and really, the only people being insulted besides actual gays are women and girls! 

By the way, it's mean to use one person's sex, race, sexuality or religion as a stick to beat others with. Not only does it dehumanize the aforementioned groups of people but it silences those who are trying to do what's right by standing up for them.

Blog-xiety

Okay, so I finally get a blog going (thanks hon) and now I'm having too many thoughts that all want to come out at once...a sort of ...blog clog if you will. Now, I have to form complete sentences. Not like the short ones you post on Facebook but real ones with clauses and everything! Then, paragraphs are expected. This is too much. Oh, and then there's my attention span; another thing besides my metabolism that was more efficient in my youth. Oh well, at least the argyle background design will give the first impression that an erudite and well spoken person is about to say something brilliant. Too much pressure. Better change design.